OMFG NO VAMPIRIC AURA? THIS GUIDE IS N00b!!!!

VAMPIRIC AURA EARLY IS LIKE A MAN USING OVERSIZED CONDOMS. NOT ONLY WILL IT PROBABLY NOT DO ITS JOB, IT WILL MAKE YOUR PERFORMANCE WORSE. IT IS DANGEROUS FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER AS IT WILL PUSH YOUR CREEPS/STDS CLOSER TO THE ENEMY TOWER/VAGINA.

STARTING ITEMS:
+
IF YOU ARE A TRUE MAN YOUR FIRST ITEMS SHOULD BE 2 GAUNTLETS. FUCK THOSE MICHAEL JACKSON WANNABES WITH ONLY ONE GAUNTLET. HOWEVER, THERE IS MERIT IN BEING A MICHAEL JACKSON WANNABE AND GETTING A GAUNTLET, CIRCLET, AND A BRANCH. REGARDLESS, ANY COMBINATION OF GAUNTLET, CIRCLET, AND BRANCH IS GOOD. MAKE SURE TO BUY 2 SETS OF TANGOS AND 1-2 CLARITIES. TANGOS FOR HEALIN’, CLARITIES FOR BLASTIN’. EVENTUALLY WHATEVER YOU GOT SHOULD BECOME 1-3 BRACERS OR RECYCLED. DO NOT BUY BOOTS FIRST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND DO NOT MAKE A FULL BRACER FIRST. BEING MANLY IS ALSO BEING ECONOMICAL AND A FULL BRACER IS NOT COST EFFICIENT.

LANE ETIQUETTE:
DO NOT “HARASS” WITH HELLFIRE BLAST. REAL MEN DO NOT HARASS. THE STUN IS WORTH MORE THAN THE DAMAGE. USE IT WHEN YOU KNOW YOU, YOUR TOWER, AND/OR YOUR CREEPS CAN GET IN A FEW HITS. IF YOU’RE LANED AGAINST A LOW HP MELEE HERO, STAB HIS FACE ANY CHANCE YOU GET.

SHOULD I HAVE A LANING PARTNER?
UNLESS THE ENEMY HAS 4+ MELEES AND THERE IS NO OTHER CARRY ON YOUR TEAM, I.E. WHEN YOU ARE PLAYING A TERRIBLE PUB, YES. ALSO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THE PARTNER NEEDS TO EITHER HAVE A DISABLE OR BE RANGED

GANKING ETIQUETTE
HELP YOUR WEAK AND PUNY ALLIES WHENEVER YOU CAN AND ARE SURE OF A KILL. AS THE MANLIEST CHARACTER ON YOUR TEAM, YOU SHOULD ALMOST ALWAYS THROW YOUR HELLFIRE BLAST FIRST IN A GANK AND TANK THE TOWER IF NEED BE.

REINCARNATION ETIQUETTE
IT IS CUSTOMARY TO QUOTE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER WHENEVER YOU DIE.

MID GAME
SKILLS
10 CRITICAL STRIKE
11 CRITICAL STRIKE/VAMPIRIC AURA/REINCARNATION
-DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH MANA YET? IS THERE A HOMOSEXUAL MANA VAMPIRE ON THE ENEMY TEAM? IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.
12 REINCARNATION/VAMPIRIC AURA/CRITICAL STRIKE
13 REINCARNATION/VAMPIRIC AURA/CRITICAL STRIKE
14 REINCARNATION/VAMPIRIC AURA/CRITICAL STRIKE
15 REINCARNATION/VAMPIRIC AURA
16 REINCARNATION/VAMPIRIC AURA

ITEMS TO GO FOR:
ASK YOURSELF THIS FIRST:
AM I PLAYING LEORIC?

YES: GET AN ARMLET
NO: GET AN ARMLET

BUT I’M TOO NOOB TO ACTIVATE/DEACTIVATE IT
WHAT THE FUCK, YOU HAVE ONE ACTIVE SKILL YOU DUMB SHIT.

TREADS OR BOTS OR PHASES

EITHER. BUT NOT BOTH DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TWO FEET. (COMMON MISTAKE) FINISH TREADS OR BOTS AFTER ARMLET FOR MOST GAMES AS THE +15/40 MS IS OUTWEIGHED BY ALL THE SEXY THAT ARMLET GIVES YOU. TREADS IS MORE PREFERRED GENERALLY.
UPDATE: PHASE BOOTS ARE TOO GOOD. GET THEM MOST OF THE TIME.

NOW ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS, AND PICK THE ONE THAT YOU CAN SAY YES TO BEST
ARE MY ENEMIES CASTING A LOT OF SHIT IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION? GET A BKB
IS MY TEAM ALL MELEE BECAUSE COLLECTIVELY WE HAVE A LEARNING DISABILITY? GET A VLAD’S
DO I WANT A GOOD ITEM THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO COMPLETE? GET AN ASSAULT CUIRASS
DO I WANT TO CARRY? GET A STYGIAN
DO I HAVE A PING OF 9000 AND CANNOT LAST HIT? GET A BFURY
DO I FEEL LIKE TIN MAN FROM WIZARD OF OZ? GET HEART
DO I WANT A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF LIFESTEAL? GET A SATANIC
DO I HAVE POCKETS FULL OF GOLD/ENEMY IMAGES? GET A RADIANCE
AM I A BALLER? GET REFRESHER ORB
DOES MY TEAM HAVE NO DISABLES? GET A SANGE
AM I SEEING MORE RIVER/MANA LOSS ACTION THAN TOM SAWYER? GET A BOTTLE
AM I SEEING MUCH MANA LOSS ACTION AND WANT TO BE HARRY POTTER? GET A MAGIC STICK
FOR YOUR LEARNING PLEASURE, THE ITEMS ARE TIERED BY WHAT YOU SHOULD GET

BALLER TIER

ITEM AFTER ARMLET TIER

BLASPHEMOUS ITEM BEFORE ARMLET TIER (situational)

ITEM AFTER ITEM AFTER ARMLET TIER

ONLY IF I CAN GET 6 OF THEM TIER

I honestly think this is one of the best items in the game. It gives you +475 hp, +65 damage, +25% IAS, and some unimportant armor and life loss per second. The point is, this gives you stupid dps for a stupid low price. Not only that, you can switch off and on for a free +475 hp when escaping.

This item intensifies your damage/vampiric life gain by a lot. It’s actually the most efficient high tier damage item in the game. Combined with armlet, you will increase your dps greatly. This should be the item after armlet in most cases or the item after the item after armlet.

Assault Cuirass is a great item. It makes you tankier and makes you hit harder and faster. The only problem is that it’s really pricy. If you think you can finish it relatively soon after armlet, you should go for this item instead of Styg. If somehow you have 6000 gold after finishing your armlet and styg, this is the item to go for.

This is an item you may want to get right after armlet if the enemies have a lot of stuns/slows. This item can ensure kills against enemies that are likely to stun while escaping in the ganking phase, and the strength and damage help well. Later on, this can be a buffer against all kinds of gay effects that will prevent you from stabbing the ones you love the most. This is kind of a situational item, but the situation that you’ll need it should be most games.

Rush this item before your armlet if you think you can rush it AND the enemy has: Naga Siren, Phantom Lancer, Terrorblade, Chaos Knight (maybe) and no one else can get the radiance. The immolation works wonders against images and helps you farm and damage. This item is really GG if it’s gotten fast enough, but it’s difficult to rush it as soon as you need it. Most likely it’s better for someone else with better farm/tanking to get it instead.

Get this item if your team has no slows or stuns. Really not a great item for not a great situation.

Thanks to ThisisBob for making me realize how useful this item is. If there are a lot of homosexual mana vampires on the enemy team, 2-3 swigs of ye ol’ bottle will bring your mana back into resurrection range.

Does the same thing as bottle except can be instant activated and is cheaper. However, it does need to be charged. Consider it over bottle if there are a lot of spells flying around

A decent item after Stygian. This gives you a lot more stacking lifesteal, some damage boost, some armor boost and minor mana regen. It’d be better if someone else carried this.

One of the better items after AC. I’d rather get a Stygian, but if you want to be tankier and lifestealier, Satanic is not a bad item.

One of the better items after AC. If you want to be an imbatank because they are doing waaayyy too much damage, heart is for you. Again, while this isn’t a bad item, I think there are much better choices.

Terrible item. While it pseudo-synergizes with Leoric’s crits and need for mana, the cleave does little to nothing in teamfights, it’s just a bad farming tool that should only improve your farm by a small amount if you last hit, the damage is outshadowed by Stygian, and the mana regen is not needed. You need greater total mana because you’ll only be blasting/resurrecting in a small timeframe.

WHAT DO I DO IN A TEAM FIGHT?
1. LOCATE CLOSEST ENEMY THAT DOES SOMETHING IN THE FIGHT
2. ACTIVATE ARMLET
3. HELLFIRE BLAST HIM.
4. STAB HIM.
5. IF HE IS DEAD, GO TO STEP 6. ELSE, REPEAT 3 AND 4
6. GO TO STEP 1. IF THERE ARE NO ENEMIES LEFT, GO TO STEP 7
7. DEACTIVATE ARMLET.

(YOUR ACTUAL EXPERIENCE MAY VARY. YOU MAY NEED TO BKB OR REINCARNATE SOMEWHERE IN THAT AREA)